1. Take space.
When you initially break up with someone, there are going to be a lot of strong feelings. You’ll have some remorse, some anger, maybe some jealousy when you see a picture of some girl with her arms around him. That’s all normal! Don’t beat yourself up for feeling what you’re feeling. But also don’t feel like you need to do something about it. Take the space you need to be by yourself and mend your broken heart. No need to go to extremes with alcohol or new partners or calling him late at night. It’s okay to tell him, “I need to not talk to you for a while.”
2. Stop blaming.
Most of our heartbreak around this sort of situation is perpetuated by our internal storylines. “If I had done this differently then we would still be together,” or “He is such a creep! How could he have done that to me?” You can work yourself into a tizzy blaming yourself or your ex for the break up. Instead, when you notice this type of thinking come up you can say, “No blame,” to yourself, and try coming back to what you are currently doing. If you’re watching TV, come back to your breath. If you’re on the treadmill, come back to running. If you’re out with friends, come back to the conversation at hand. Whatever you are doing, drop the blame and just be with what’s actually happening, not the harmful storylines.
3. Don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater.
There was a reason that you and your ex spent so much time together once. Remember the good times, and don’t just assume the worst of your ex because of how the breakup went down. We all mean well, and we all strive for happiness. Sometimes we get confused about how to achieve that, and end up hurting others. Just because you feel hurt, doesn’t mean you need to forget about all the lovely memories from the relationship.
Ways to Actually Be Friends with Your Ex was originally published on wzakcleveland.com
