How To Fix A Relationship After A Fight
-
Spend some time away from your significant other. That doesn’t necessarily mean at a friend’s house or some other remote location, but just off in a quiet room, or outside taking a walk.
-
Spend a few minutes just relaxing. Calm yourself down, take deep breaths, do something that relaxes you. Hyped-up and angry is no way to fix a relationship.
-
Remember this is the person you love.
-
Reflect on what it was that started the fight–the exact words, gesture, action etc. Don’t spend this time thinking ugly thoughts about the other person. Use it to think, in a completely emotion-free environment, “What just caused that?”
-
Define your role in the argument. As the saying goes, “It takes two to tango”, more specifically stated as “you can’t fight by yourself”. No matter where you stood in the fight, at least half of it is each person’s fault, and knowing your role in it goes a long way towards solving the problem.
-
Outline in your mind what you want from the situation. If it was a pointless argument and you just want to be happy again, then this step extends to simply, “That was dumb, and the argument matters less to me than being okay with the person I love”.
-
If it was an argument about something important, decide what your main point is, without emotion. Run through the wording of your cool-headed argument several times to make sure you know exactly what you’re saying.
-
Find and gently confront the other person. Apologize for your half of the argument, assure the other person that you want to resolve the issue without causing bad feelings, and let her know that you have something to say. Tell her calmly and levelly what you decided the most important part of your argument was, ending with a simple “this is what I want” statement.
-
Give the other person the right and time to respond, without interrupting. In an open, communicative relationship, that’s the least you can do. Listen to her points and think about what you can do to accommodate that person’s wishes, and tell her what that is. Let her know you care enough to be sensitive to her needs, and that you’ll do your best.
