When you are going through a messy break up, you might believe that you’ll never want to date again, but the time will come when you start to think about looking for a new relationship. How long it takes to start dating again depends very much on you and your last relationship; there are no hard and fast rules. However, there are a few questions you should ask yourself before you start to date again.
o Would you still take your ex back if they asked?
o Do you still get upset or angry when you talk about your ex?
o Does every conversation lead to talking about your ex?
o Do love songs still make you cry?
If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, you probably aren’t ready to date again just yet. Don’t be afraid to spend some time alone and enjoy your new found freedom. Don’t jump into a new relationship just for the sake of being with someone; you’ll only end up hurting them and yourself. Take some time to heal, and focus on what you want for a change.
If you do feel you are ready to start looking for love again, here are a few tips for dating after a relationship:
Be open to dating people outside of your ‘type’. Depending on how your last relationship ended, you might be tempted to look for someone exactly like your ex, or you may want to avoid certain people because they remind you of your ex. Be prepared to accept people for who they are and not how they compare to your last lover.
Don’t talk too much about your ex. It doesn’t hurt to let your date know if you have just come out of a long term relationship, especially if you’re not ready for anything serious. Keep explanations about why it ended short, and try not to sound bitter. Be wary of people that are too interested in your failed relationship. They may just be taking advantage of your vulnerable emotional state.
Set your expectations low. If you have been in a long term relationship, you probably reached a high level of intimacy with your ex. Don’t expect to be able to talk in the same way with your new date. Getting carried away and thinking that your date might lead to another serious relationship is just setting yourself up for another fall.
Have fun with your date. Do all the things that used to make you laugh. Visit amusement parks, go bowling, and eat ice cream. Keep it light hearted and remember how much fun dating was before you got into a serious relationship.
Allow yourself to fall in love. Go slowly and take your time, but do be prepared to fall in love again. Just because your last relationship ended badly, it doesn’t mean that this one will. Shutting your heart to love because of one bad experience will ensure you end up lonely and bitter.
When you do decide you are ready to take that emotional leap and date again after a break up, keep it light hearted and fun. Don’t expect new relationships to reach the same level of intimacy as your old relationship straight away, but equally don’t assume that it will end in the same way. Avoid talking too much about your ex, and comparing your new partner to them; your last relationship was a chapter in your life that you need to move on from.
