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Understand the fact that your partner did not know you yet at the time he/she made the wrong decision. This statement is for those who hold bitter feelings towards their partner’s mistakes before they even met. By understanding this part, it will help you let go of your partner’s past deeds and shift your focus on the importance of your relationship. You need to see that your partner’s past experiences have shaped him/her into the person that you currently know. Likewise, you need to see that your partner shared the story of his/her past to you not to hurt you but to let you know upfront what he/she went through and what mistakes have been made. Divulging his/her life story to you means that he/she trusts you with it and wants the door of communication between the two of you open.
Find the best parts you love about your partner. When you concentrate on the good qualities of your partner instead of the things in his/her past that hurt you, you are training yourself to mindfully accept and love him/her in the present. Your good feelings will follow.
Avoid letting your partner feel that you made a mistake in being with him/her. In the heat of an argument or conflict, refrain from saying words of regret to your partner. This brings deep hurt and rejection, making the other person feels he/she is not good enough for you. This will make him/her close up and feel depressed for being honest with you. Likewise, this also encourages him/her to start hiding things from you in the future for fear that both of you will get hurt again. If you feel that you made a mistake being with your partner, the only thing it’s going to do is cause fights constantly which will eventually break the relationship. So stop the feeling and see a big change in how you treat your partner.
Stop digging into your partner’s past. If you aren’t strong enough to deal with your partner’s past, then it’s good for you to stop digging more and leave the past as it is. By doing this you will save yourself from further pain. Learn to accept your partner as he/she is and try your best to make things work out between the two of you.
Understand that both of you and your partner need to let go of the past from both sides to build a healthy relationship. This means that the only way for you and him/her to enjoy times together is by being free from any hurt feelings, grudges, and regret brought by past mistakes. It takes two to make a relationship work. In the same way, it takes two to break it apart. If you can’t let go of the past, expect your relationship to break down any moment.
Keep in mind that it takes a lot of time and effort to let go of things from the past. Experiences in the past happened in a long span of time. It takes even a little longer to make peace with it. Don’t try to rush things too fast. Make sure that one episode has been fully let go before opening another subject again. Heal and let go one episode at a time or it gets too overwhelming. It is somewhat like saying, “Finish eating your first cookie first before starting on the next one or you will have no room in your mouth to eat them properly.”
Avoid suppressing your feelings about your partner’s past. This is only going to leave a lot of painful memories to you. Be open about your overall feeling without punishing your partner. Likewise, work together with him to find ways you can heal. Hurt feelings can be difficult to deal with but with dedication and proper treatment, it will be healed in time.
Be kind to your partner. Keep in mind that your partner’s past mistakes affect them too just like you get affected by them. If you keep bringing them up over and over again and reminding him/her constantly how much he/she failed, you are bringing the two of you perpetual misery. Show kindness to your partner by letting go of past mistakes and forgiving him/her for what he/she has done that brought you pain.
