By Hello Beautiful
If you’ve broken up with your significant other and want to move on here’s our mantra: You must pre-live the future, not re-live the past. Here are some tips from blackvoices.com:
Breakups are rough. No matter how much your friends talk, your mother comforts, or co-workers attempt to distract you, getting over him is always far easier said than done. For women especially, the daily, sometimes hourly, change of emotions can be an overwhelming burden to deal with. Missing him, but not missing the bull that led to the relationship’s demise, can put you in a state of confusion for far too long.
Stop stressing and obsessing, here are eight things you can do so your breakup won’t lead to a breakdown. In this order:
1. Stop telling the story
You’ve told all your girlfriends, your mom and your hairstylist what happened with the two of you. Is there really a need to tell your mailman, manicurist, and all of Facebook? The more you have to go through the sad or shocking details of the breakup, the longer it takes to begin the healing process. Tell those that you trust will give sound advice and stop it there.
2. Turn off the radio
Ne-Yo said it best: “Said I’m so sick of love songs so sad and slow/So why can’t I turn off the radio?” Music is powerful; when going through hardships it can be used to heal or prolong the hurt. Rest assured, there will be way to many songs that remind you of him. Don’t torture yourself with Usher’s, ‘Daddy Home,’ knowing your man hasn’t been home for a while and isn’t coming back.
3. Start on a project
This can be as simple as rearranging your closet or a more involved task such as renovating your home. The ending of relationship frees up time, time that if you’re smart you will invest in yourself. So take that French class, build your stock portfolio or buy that dog you wanted. Yes, these are all fabricated distractions, but distractions that don’t involve a rebound are always more beneficial than detrimental. Projects are better than sulking on your couch… which leads to the next point.
4. Stay off the couch
Seriously, find the eject button and remove yourself from that love seat, bed or recliner immediately! Emotions fester on this type of furniture when you’re going through a breakup. The television becomes your best friend, food becomes your confidant and tissues are your associates. The first step of getting over him is getting over the preference to be alone. Take a shower and get out the house. Fresh air is the beginning of a fresh start.
5. Buy a notebook
Writing is therapeutic, so write daily. Don’t think – just write. Don’t lift the pen, and after days of recording your feelings and emotions, take a moment to read what you wrote previously. Read it as if someone else was sharing their story with you. What would your response to them be? Often times you will be shocked at what you read — how hard you’re being on yourself, or the excuses you’re making for the way you feel. Honest emotions written on paper can usually shape and change perception, making it easier for you to care less about the situation and care more for yourself.
6. Be realistic
Your not going to be able to do this in a week. Conventional wisdom says it takes about half of the time you were in a relationship to properly and safely get someone out your system, but it definitely shouldn’t take that long — especially if you were in a long-term relationship. If you were in a four-year relationship, and it only took two months to move on – you’re kidding yourself (but if you’re pining for two years, you’ve got some problems…). If you were in a three-month relationship, and you are taking a year to stop crying each time you hear his name – you’re bugging. However long it takes, know that it’s one step at a time, and small steps lead to small victories.
7. Don’t be afraid of the garbage can
Throw out his t-shirts, the snapshots and the eight-year old birthday cards. Having his clothes still laying around six months after a relationship has ended is just torture. Reading letters and looking at pictures taken when you were so in love will feel like a punch in the heart. Let it go and throw it out… new memories will be formed with new love.
8. Do something drastic to mark change
Don’t go too crazy, but do something just drastic enough to mark the end of one chapter of your life and the beginning of another. A common move is cutting off your locks or changing your hair color, but if changing your mane is not an option, there are other things to do. Try joining the gym, quitting smoking or taking a solo vacation. When you feel a shift so that negative energy starts to become positive, use the momentum to do something that declares and celebrates the fact that you’ve gotten past him and you’re not looking back.
