1. CHANGING VISIONS–Either the husband, wife, or both need to clearly discover what kind of relationship they want to have. So many couples become embroiled in trying to fix the problems, that they never really stop to consider what they want. A counselors will often use this problem focused approach that at best can get people back to where they were before. A relationship coach, on the other hand, will use the technique of creating a vision. Visions, desires, and goals, pull us toward them in a positive and exciting way. This makes for the possibility of an entirely new type of relationship to replace the old.
2. CHANGING BELIEFS–One of the most debilitating beliefs is that one’s partner must change before the relationship can improve. The fact is that one person must make the first move and that person can be either partner. It is not necessary to have a simultaneous start up. For example, a person who is unhappy in their marriage may find that by changing their job or starting a new hobby, they become happier with more of a zest for life. This, in turn, can make them more attractive to their partner. Misery loves company and when one person refuses to be miserable and makes positive life changes, the other partner is often pulled in that direction without any kind of coercion.
3. CHANGING STRATEGIES–People do what they know how to do. This means that they try to use the same strategies as in the past, but this time hoping to achieve different results. Even when couples put 100% of their effort into reviving their marriage by returning to what worked in the past, they will more than likely end up in the very same place. Trying harder to achieve different results using the same methods does not work. The number one strategy for creating a better relationship is getting help and support from someone who knows how to do that. It the person you see in the mirror has not had success in the area you want to improve, do you really want to put all your trust in his/her methods? If someone wants to quit smoking, which do you think would be better–hoping that you will develop the urge to quit smoking, trying to quit alone, buying a stop smoking self-help book, or committing to meeting regularly with an expert in smoking cessation? What would be the best strategy for achieving a healthy relationship?
