Attraction is an important part of every marriage. You want to be attracted to your spouse, and you want him to be attracted to you. When you realize that you are losing your attraction to your spouse, it is time for you to reassess your relationship, taking steps to rekindle your old flame, finding solutions that you both can work on together.
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Self Reflection
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Your first goal should be a period of honest self-reflection, where you attempt to understand your reasons for losing your attraction. Be honest with yourself about your feelings. Try to remember the things you were first attracted to in your spouse, and ask yourself what changed since those early days. Try to determine if it is a general lack of attraction, or something that your spouse is doing that is preventing your attraction. For instance, if your lack of attraction stems from a few developed bad habits or disturbing traits, these are issues to discuss with your spouse.
Honest Talk
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Sit down with your spouse and have a long talk about your feelings. Discuss the things about your spouse that you find unattractive, or suggestions for things you both can do to put the fire back in your relationship. Be gentle, but honest during the conversation. If you believe that you can save your relationship, with a few little changes, reinforce those changes and stay positive about the future of your relationship.
Start All Over
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As you and your spouse age, you will both grow and take on new traits. You may spend more time on new hobbies, while she spends more of her free time reading. These changes can create distance in your relationship, and in the most severe cases, make you question your attraction to your spouse. To counter this distance, you can start your relationship over, from the beginning. Take your spouse out on dates and share long conversations where you get to know each other all over again. Have fun with each other and focus on putting your relationship back together, taking each other’s new changes into account.
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