The first part is honesty. Most happy relationships have at their core a strong dedication to honesty. Both partners must be willing to be open and honest with each other. Yes, things like money and cheating are important to be honest about, but don’t neglect the small things too. Even if there is something seemingly tiny that you are hiding, it will have an impact on your relationship. Try to think of it this way: Every time you keep something back from your partner, that is just a little bit of yourself that you cannot bring to loving them. After a short time a few small lies and secrets can turn into big problems. Then before you know what happened you find that both of you are completely alienated.
The second thing is integrity. This requires that you do everything that you promise you will. Like honesty, this doesn’t just apply to the major things, but the details as well. Every time a promise is broken, it will take away from the trust in the relationship and contribute to a mounting pile of resentment, which will only cause the relationship to crumble. The moral here is to only make promises to your partner that you actually plan on keeping, not just empty offers to keep them happy for the time being. If you can’t be certain of your ability to keep a promise, be honest with your partner and don’t make the promise to start with.
Third, take an interest in your partner’s hobbies. Relationships require work and effort. Odds are good that your partner has a few hobbies that you do not feel as passionate about as they do. It is really important in making your relationship work to master the skill of compromising and doing things with your partner from time to time just because they enjoy doing them. Your boyfriend deep down knows that you really don’t care that much for his action movies and you probably know that he doesn’t have much interest in your knitting club. When you willingly allow him to delve into his interests, you are sending a strong message that you value his happiness.
Fourth, pay attention to the good qualities about your partner. Of course we all have our shortcomings, but if you focus on those small imperfections, you will not only cause your partner to feel bad about himself, but you will also start to doubt if you should be in a relationship with someone who always forgets to wash the dishes or put the toilet seat down. Instead try to focus on those times when he was there to stand up for you or when he made you feel safe and secure. When you are constantly reflecting on your partner’s good attributes, you are helping build a relationship that will stand the test of time.
Finally, take the time to listen to what your partner tells you. You shouldn’t feel as if you have to make everything better. We all benefit from voicing our feelings and it really is helpful to have our partner there to share them with. Start to practice listening to the things your partner says about his life while avoiding the urge to judge or criticize him. Simply listen to the things he tells you without feeling the desire to fix his problems or help him. Knowing how to make a relationship work is, at the heart of it, just learning to love and accept your partner fully without demanding that he be something different.
