DO NOT under any circumstances force him to talk to you. Just accept that sometimes he’s not going to want to talk.
Let’s take a minute to break down the way that men and women deal with stress and negative events in their lives. Women have a tendency to deal with problems and Code Red situations in more group-oriented ways. They will gather a group of their friends and talk about the problem or they will systematically call the most important people in their lives in order to consult with them on the issue.
Men tend to deal with things more internally. This doesn’t mean that they refuse to accept help or seek support, but FIRST they must process the situation internally for themselves.
Let him know that you love him. You think he’s fantastic. Remind him that even the greatest people go through hard times and you are there for him if he needs anything. Then give him all the time that he needs to process.
WARNING! In order for this to be effective you have to give him all the time HE needs , not the amount of time that YOU think he needs or should need. :)
Choose your battles sparingly. If you are really committed to loving this man, this is the time to show it. Well, you ask, how do I do that?
By letting things go. Just for now. You can fight about it later if it’s really that serious.
So during this time of stress, focus on this rule: Unless what he is doing/has done is imminently life-threatening or heartlessly malicious, just LET IT GO.
It’s not that serious! You can drop it, just for now. Don’t criticize, don’t nag, don’t tell him what he should do. Even when you are right, now is not the time. Give him the gift of being able to focus on processing his situation, his feelings, his plans and not having to worry about you…just for now.
IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU! When your man is going through a hard time, it’s easy to take his lack of attention personally. You start to feel like he doesn’t want to share his feelings WITH YOU, he is shutting YOU out, he is withdrawing FROM YOU.
That is a blatant lie. This is not about you. It’s about him and how he deals with things. If he is withdrawing and not sharing, then that is just what he does and it’s not a personal attack on your relationship, it’s just how he’s handling it.
Maybe it’s the best way, maybe it’s not, but either way, it’s the way he’s doing it and trying to make him NOT do it that way will not make him change that.
