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By Cathy Holloway Hill

Have you ever wondered why it’s so difficult to let go of something that hurts?  Letting go of pain is a very difficult (but necessary) step that we will be faced with several times throughout our lives.  When things seem to be falling apart, there’s always the impulse to hold on, because it’s familiar to you.  But unfortunately, holding on can cause more pain.  In order to feel better, we must learn to think better.  Sometimes it seems easier to just keep holding on to him, to her, to it, to the job, to long-time friends, to the way it was, or how you want it to be.  But in order to get beyond the pain, you will have to let go of whatever is standing in your way or causing the problem.  The anchor around your ankles will remain there until you locate the key and release them because the toxic emotions that accompany the pain will weigh you down blocking your success!

As humans, we have a strong need to be accepted, loved, and appreciated – in our personal relationships, our jobs and careers.  When we discover that something works well for us, validates us, and makes us feel worthy, we tend to attach ourselves to it in an unhealthy way.  And once the “situation” turns toxic and stops working, we continue to hold on hoping, praying, believing, and wishing that it would get better and return to the way it used to be.  But change happens whether we like it or not.  And sometimes the change is not in our best interest.  We have control to make conscious decisions to LET GO of our pain, and get past our past!  We tell ourselves things like “it’s too difficult”, “no one will love me like he/she did”, I’ll do it next month or next year”, “I won’t find another job”, or the most popular one of all “I’M AFRAID”.  Instead of taking control, we go the opposite direction and try to mask the pain with addictive substances like alcohol, drugs, or food.   Regardless of the circumstances, there is only one way to let go of holding on, and it involves changing your mindset and belief about whatever you’re holding onto.

Face it – letting go is scary. Ok, so now you know what you’re dealing with.  You know it’s not going to be easy.  So strengthen up and get ready for a ride because on the other side is freedom, peace-of-mind, and a life of abundant joy.  Take small steps to begin releasing old behavior patterns. Letting go is in fact a shift in consciousness that’s a critical part of how you will solve the problem.


Stepping out of your comfort zone requires strength, persistence, and most importantly – commitment.  There’s nothing “comfortable” about a comfort zone unless it’s a healthy comfort zone.  Continuing to hold on to toxic behaviors and beliefs will eventually cause deterioration in your mental and physical health.


So how can you begin to fix it?

Following are a few simple initial steps to take to start you on the road toward healing:

  • Let it out – it’s okay to cry and feel the hurt
  • Once you’ve felt it and faced it, tell yourself, “it’s time to fix it”
  • Begin each morning with a positive statement “today I’m empowered!”
  • Join a networking organization or a group that will encourage and uplift you
  • If you have a hobby, spend extra time doing it
  • Have a night out with your friends
  • Learn to connect with your higher power – pray
  • Learn to meditate – it’s very easy
  • Learn to relax – statistics show it improves your physical health


Learning to let go of what’s already gone is a major step in taking control of your life.  You have a lot to gain and the only thing you can count on losing is your sanity, a peaceful life, and a happiness that is priceless!