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Year Two: This Is My House!

Terrible twos go beyond tantrums and overuse of the word “No.”It’s a way of life that influences everything a toddler does. A two-year old believes that the planet revolves around them and if you disagree, that’s your problem. The floor will be wet not because of an accident or because it’s cool. It goes down because in their little hearts they believe it’s their carpet and you’re only allowed to walk on it.

Year Three: Because F*** You, This Is Funny.

By age three, a child’s vocabulary has grown dramatically and they’re able to communicate more with words. Most likely, you have a shrunken-down Kanye West marching through the crib breaking out into a show at any moment.

Three year-olds know they’re cute and are eager to entertain. Unfortunately, those one-person performances sometimes come at your expense. Making you laugh and proving they’re a Jedi in the art of urinating is the reason a three-year old toddler pees on the floor.

Because my kid isn’t four, I can’t speak on that yet but for those of you out there who knows how a four-year old gets down, please chime in. I’d love to hear it. If there’s no one who’s been around a four year-old that pees on the floor,  I’d have to assume that behavior goes dormant until the 20s.

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About That Toddler Life…  was originally published on

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