Step 1
Periodically take stock of the relationship. If you are in a relationship that isn’t what it used to be, ask yourself why. Did you stop taking care of this relationship or is your partner at fault? Has one of you quite naturally outgrown your commitment in this relationship or simply chosen to take a new, solitary path into the future? There are no guarantees in life, only “promise” in terms of what has yet to come. If you can hold fast to this promise–the potential for a happy, fulfilling life shared together alive–you have won half the battle already.
Make the most of what you’ve got. If you have a relationship that is precious to you, do everything possible to make the most of it every day. Tend it, fortify it, nurture it. Give it all the time and attention you can because, as we are growing from day to day, our relationships are either “thriving” or “dying” in the midst of our own personal growth. They don’t remain the same. It’s up to each of us to see that our relationships maintain strength and good emotional health as we gravitate and grow toward the future.
Think of a couple you admire and determine what it is that makes their relationship so special. Does she show her man enough faith to allow him to have friends and activities that don’t include her? Does he encourage her to fulfill herself by advancing her education or pursuing a dream of another sort? Do they make their relationship a major priority in their lives, showing each other constant respect, love and support? Once you realize what it is that makes them “tick” as a couple, bring those values into your own relationship. Encourage the same qualities from your own partner. It’s amazing what we can achieve for ourselves at times simply by observing and learning from others.
Consider how well the two of you communicate. Are you strong enough in your love for each other to be able to express yourselves openly? Even when you disagree or one of you has disappointed the other? Do you allow yourselves enough room to make mistakes and receive forgiveness when you need it? Ask each other what areas in terms of communication in the relationship you might improve on. When you ask, be willing to listen.
You’ll be receiving vital information that, put to use, can only make the relationship happier for each of you in the long run.
Evaluate how well you understand each other’s intimate/sexual needs. Intimacy is important in committed relationships. It is a chance for the two of you to express your love for each other, yes; but it’s also a time for the two of you to simply “enjoy” each other–body, mind and spirit. If something is lacking in the relationship sexually, try to talk it out. Work on finding a solution together. Try a good-spirited trade-off: “If I give you such-and-such (sexually), you will give me (fill in the blank.” It isn’t a crime to have fun in the bedroom, with each other and your individual desires. Of course, both of you aren’t going to have the same preferences sexually, but you can give to each other what the other needs or wants, simply because you love that person as much as you do.
Give your relationship a routine commitment check-up. How close and connected “are” the two of you? Are you doing all you can to ensure that you grow together and not apart? Do you make time for each other, even when life gets extremely hectic? Discuss ways that the two of you could work together to strengthen your relationship; say, reserving time after work for a cuddle with your favorite CD playing or a Saturday morning breakfast shared every week at your favorite cozy restaurant? Remember, life is going to have its ups and downs. There will be times of conflict and struggle. What you do to keep your relationship thriving will be the “glue” that holds you close through the roughest of times. The best relationships, after all, are worth working at and fighting for.
