Fifty Shades Of Grey

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The story of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey isn’t really about dominance or bondage or even sex or love, despite all the Harlequin Romance–worthy character names. No, what Fifty Shades of Grey offers is a story  about  a young man learning, stripping  down ( pun intended) and  redefining his center.

In other words, you can find something  redeemable,  teachable and enduring in Christian Grey’s life and this film.

Pastors, churches, and domestic abuse fighters have come after this film with  sharp knives.  Under normal circumstances I would  support and agree with them.  I have received no less than 25 petitions to protest the film. This time I can’t.

I would ask these same  protestors:

Where are you  on Walking Dead, Orange Is The New Black and Game of Thrones?

Unlike those shows,  there are actual a teaching moments under all of the glitz.

Okay, let’s get the simple business out of the way.

The sex is  repetitive and pales next to what the story is really about, but  is nowhere to be found in the marketing material.  First, in case  you had no idea what this story is about  allow me to sum it up for you.  Naive college graduate Anastasia  and the dashing mogul  billionaire Christian venture into a torrid sexual exploration of each other  that would drive people crazy if  they were actually real.  There is a sense of real life toys at the maximum.  Nice clothes, nice cars and good food. Yes, here is sex. Yes it’s off color and not loving, and not respectful. Yes, it is contrary to God’s expectation of  marriage. Yet, I would say that one must always find the positives and not let the negative become the conversation. Have the conversation but highlight what good can come out of something,

What the movie does right: The visuals and the music. STUNNING. You cannot peel your eyes off the screen. Danny Elfman reminds us why he is so great at this.  Editing excellent. The things you don’t see are as stunning as the things you do see.  The tension between Ana and Christian is uncomfortable. It should do that. You should not be warm and fuzzy. There is a scene where  Christian walks in and presents Ana with the comment, “It was nice knowing you.” The audience howls. The subtle presence of Taylor, Kate and Elliott is superb.

What the movie does wrong: We should see a little more of the running story of Christian’s professional life. The next two books hinge on us knowing why he takes it next level.

There has been so much negative commentary from the christian world, that the movie deserved a deeper dive.

Now here  are real life lessons from Fifty Shades of Grey that no other outlet is talking about.

Lesson # 1- Work Hard With Direction and Responsibility

Christian is a victim of “all the best is give to me and you don’t matter” disease.  After having suffered a horrible incident in his young years, he wants everything. Literally. The one thing that becomes apparent is that Christian works hard. Unlike most  characters in these types of movies,  Christian is NOT an ivy league boy. Having things given to you is rarely a good thing for you. hristian is proof that hard work can get you somewhere. If you listen carefully, in the beginning he explains to Ana that he is aware that  other people rely on him keeping his business steady. This guy actually has a sense of corporate responsibility.

Are you still with me? The next lesson deals with something that many of us take for granted.

Lesson # 2 – A Siblings And  AStrong mother  Can  Actually Have a Positive Effect On You

Family bonds developed in early childhood continue through life. Siblings provide companionship and emotional support, needed material resources, and guidance in old age. Sharing a family history is a foundation for continued interaction throughout life, and serves a special purpose in old age. Reminiscences about family experiences validate the older person’s memories and feelings about these events and help them to have positive feelings about their family life. A number of studies have found that all siblings feel a greater sense of closeness in the later years, reducing feelings of conflict and envy and deepening their approval and acceptance of one another.

In this first movie, you are introduced  to Christian’s adopted siblings and family. They actually have respect for each other and ground each other. In the next two movies their role in Christian’s life becomes even more evident and it will show you what the value is. Christian’s adopted mother positive.His birth mother not positive.  Mother protect their children. Period. Christian is an example of what happens when mother’s don’t protect their young,

What do you think?  The following lesson is one that most men can use in their own life!

Gentlemen the next lesson is for you.

Lesson #3- You Need To Go Away,  So  Someone Can Miss You

Christian struggles to change and its hard. His incessant worry, calling and chastising does nit endear him to anyone. He begins to see that not every woman needs, or wants  that attention.  Often his inner demons show up on his inflection of Ana’s existence.

He lives in fear of losing someone.

 His unannounced appearances to Ana would drive most women to punch him out and block his calls.  Destiny’s Child’s ‘Bug A Boo’ comes to mind! Don’t know the song? Google it!

Silly as it may seem, but the heart does grow fonder when there is absence.  Kate should’ve put this song on repeat every time Christian was around! When he does arrive he is often less than nice and downright bossy! Stand here! Undress!

None of that is attractive or endearing.  Take note.

My brothers and sisters apply this next lesson and you may find some happiness.

Lesson # 4  Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself. Forgive and Grow

Christian doesn’t enjoy the dark part of himself  and can’t get past it.

“Because I’m fifty shades of  ***ed-up, Anastasia” Christian Grey 

Guilt may be an unrelenting source of pain. You might believe that you should feel guilty and condemn yourself not once, but repeatedly. Guilt also may simmer in your unconscious. Either way, this kind of guilt is insidious and self-destructive and can sabotage your goals.Realize that you may forgive yourself and still believe you were at fault, just as you might forgive someone else even though you think the person was in the wrong. You can have regret for what you did yet accept that you’re human and made mistakes. Perhaps, you did your best, given your circumstances, awareness, maturity, and experience at the time.

This is a healthy, humble attitude. Christian has deep seated issues. He plays them out in intimacy.  

The final lesson is  one that we all forget from time to time.

Lesson # 5- We were created to be loved, but we need to allow ourselves to be loved because we are already worthy. Don’t let this world steal your worth.

There are dozens of  people who have describe a sense of utter  fear in allowing someone to see them emotionally. They fear getting close. They fear being comforted. They fear laying their heads down on their partner’s chest because the “what ifs” in their minds wouldn’t quiet down for a moment to let them enjoy themselves. This is definitely a problem that plagues us in this new social age.

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Christian is so damaged he fears intimacy and barely lets his family love him. . Ana has low self esteem.  Period. She is so worried about what people may think of he that she refuses a hand up to start her career.  The sense of self righteousness

Overall, the movie.

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