We all know that men lie and women lie… But there’s a few lies that men tell and you KNOW they’re lying. I’m not going to tell on my fellow ladies so I’ll just share a FEW of those with you as well. I suggest you print out this handy, dandy list. You never know when you’ll need it.
Top 10 Lies Men Tell Women:
“I don’t have a girlfriend/wife.” Oh, yeah? Well, you sure look like you do.
2. “I’m not drunk.” Dude, we can smell the PBRs on your breath from here.
3. “I’m not looking for a relationship right now.” Translation: “I’m not looking for a relationship with YOU right now.” That’s OK. We’re on to the next one.
4. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Yes, you do. In fact, you already are.
5. “I’m not interested in you just for the sex.” Gotcha. We should probably do stuff other than, you know, have sex. If that’s the case.
6. “I always wear a condom.” Also, Santa Claus is real. And I’m dating the Easter Bunny. And Thomas Jefferson is my BFF.
7. “I’m leaving her for you.” Quit talking about it and do it already.
8. “I’ll call you.” O Really??
9. “I don’t think she’s that pretty.” We love it when you lie like this. Tell this lie all the time. This lie is good.
10. “I don’t watch porn.” No way! Me neither! Porn is terrible! Vomiting noises.
Top 10 Lies Women Tell Men
1. ”I’ve slept with [X] guys.” Maybe she rounds up. Maybe she rounds down. Maybe she can’t remember. Whatever the case may be, more than a few women have lied about how many sexual partners they’ve had.
2. “That was great.” Listen, nobody’s pointing fingers. Sometimes bad sex is a no-fault proposition. But if it’s not good for her, it’s altogether possible she may not be enlightening you on that matter.
3. ”I have never nor would I ever cheat on you.” The number one cause of screaming fights? Cheating. Or, more specifically, lying about cheating. It’s not easy to tell someone when you’ve messed up; the fallout can be brutal. Remember: What you don’t know can spare you.
4. “I weight [X].” Here’s the thing. Women don’t lie about their weight because of you. Their reasons for doing it have everything to do with them. Not all women lie about their weight, but some do, and they do it for all kinds of reasons.
5. “Sure, you can call me.” Sometimes, when we’re face-to-face with a guy, and he’s asking us out on a first or for a second date, it’s tough to, er, woman-up and say, “You know what? Um, no.” We don’t want to be heartbreakers. We want to be nice. We’re sure you’ll get the message when we never call you back.
6. “I’ll be ready in a minute.” Listen, if before you left the house to go out on a date, you had to shower, shave half your body, slather yourself in moisturizer, apply 99 overpriced products, put on several layers of makeup, flat-iron your hair, pick out the perfect outfit that makes you look sophisticated/sexy/spectacular, it would take you a long time to get ready, too. So, wait.
7. “I don’t know.” We don’t know (ha!) if we’re going to get a lot of agreement on this one, but we are of the opinion that a lot of times when a woman says, “I don’t know,” she does, in fact, know. We may not be ready to tell you.
8. “That was delicious!” If you cooked, we don’t care how it tastes. We will tell you we love it. Love us for that.
9. “I’m fine.” We’re going to go out on a limb here and suggest this is the single most common lie told by women to men. Or, you know, at the very least it’s the lie we’ve told most often to men. We are emotional creatures! Sometimes, we get upset! Usually, your best bet is listening.
10. “It was on sale.” It wasn’t. Deal with it.