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No one is absolutely in love over night. Relationships take time to build. Pathological people have agendas regarding their relationships; they appear intense and deep very quickly. They move fast, getting serious quickly in order to mask their hidden agenda and your ability to respond to these red flags.
Pick up on his or her relationship history, including serial relationships. It is easy to ignore a partner’s history of failed relationships when you are falling for the person. Many failed relationships occur because the person jumps in too fast and wants too much too quickly. Ask the person you are dating how many relationships they have had, why they ended, what they have to say about their own responsibility in them ending. Ask what they have to say about these former boyfriends or girlfriends now.
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Acknowledge patterns of behavior, and recognize that problems you face early on in terms of personality and conflict are not likely things you can change about the person. They may simply indicate an incompatible relationship.
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Think about your partner’s pattern of selection.
Know that any sign of violence is a serious threat to both your relationship and safety. Violence includes verbal, physical and mental threats or abuse of any kind.
