Lovemaking is a vital part of the married relationship. It is a powerful uniting force, and one that deepens the love and connection of the couple. If one of them stops being interested in intimacy, it can be a terrible blow to the other one’s security in the relationship, self esteem, and sense of self. Marriages that fall into the category of “sexless marriages”– which also includes infrequent sex– have a much higher divorce rate, and also a higher rate of infidelity.
If your husband does not want sex with you, you are probably feeling a lot of hurt, rejection, and that there must be something wrong with you. Women have a great need to be valued, cherished, and loved, and to find that the man who knows you best no longer desires you is understandably devastating.
This is a situation where women often suffer in silence. They feel that there is nowhere they can turn to for help. These husbands usually refuse to consider therapy, and many couples in this situation are considered by their friends to be a “perfect couple.” The embarrassment of letting a friend know how undesirable you seem to be is too much for so many of these women. They have already been humiliated over and over again by husbands who mock their attempts to initiate sex and tell them that they are no longer sexy or desirable.
The first thing you must know if your husband does not want sex, is that it is not your fault. This is not a reflection of your beauty, desirability, or worth as a person. This is almost always a reflection of other underlying problems in the marriage, or sometimes of a medical issue which can be readily remedied.
As a woman, you have the power to change the tone of your marriage and of your love life. You need to start by better understanding the way men think and feel about sex and relationships. If you can understand that, you can change the way you are relating to him in this area and make him want you, and even initiate sex– when you want it.
