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When I was 16-years-old, I wanted to be a computer graphics designer.  Day and night, that’s all I literally dreamed about. Fast forward a year or two and then came the preoccupation with boys. Not straight-laced serious boys, but bad boys. A few years after that, I was on to the next thing. Computer Graphics became a dream of the past. I changed my mind about my life a dozen times before choosing to dedicate my life to civil rights activism. And by the way, I eventually grew out of the “bad boy” mentality. Today, I’m dating one of the most-successful businessmen in the country. The point is, “ish” changes.

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Over 30 years ago, Chirlane McCray (pictured below), wife of N.Y.C. Public Advocate Bill de Blasio (pictured), wrote a cover story for Essence Magazine where she said she was a lesbian.  She’s now married to one of the most-respected public advocates N.Y.C. has ever had and is a Mother to their two children.  News flash: “Ish” changes.

But why do we even care what goes on in people’s bedrooms?

Throughout this summer and in the weeks leading up to the Presidential election, I often wrote and spoke about the continuing war on women.  Whether it was contraception, our roles in society, or our sexuality, women were under assault time and again.  Didn’t those who were constantly throwing females under the bus learn anything from the election?  Why do people feel the need to discuss what Chirlane’s sexual preferences are or what kind of marriage she and de Blasio have?  For crying out loud, it’s almost 2013!

When Chirlane wrote her Essence story in ’79, it was a bold and daring move to say the least.  At a time when women were still heavily fighting for equality, she went there when many were afraid.  For people to attack her or question her marriage now is nothing more than a cheap shot. In a column in the NY Post, writer Andrea Peyser said:  “Lesbians don’t simply get cured, as if homosexuality were a temporary disease.  Someone (de Blasio?  McCray?  Both?) isn’t being honest.”

And cartoonist Sean Delonas (who previously depicted President Barack Obama as a chimp), drew de Blasio in lingerie next to Chirlane in bed who was on the phone saying, “I was a lesbian, but my husband, Bill de Blasio, won me over.”  The Post and its contributors should be ashamed. By the way, Ms. Peyser now claims her words were misrepresented. Well, Ms. Peyser, why the heck did you write about it in the first place?

What I am saying is that people’s personal lives should not be on the table unless they are sleeping with children or violating others. As long as their spouse or partner is cool with whatever it is, mind your damn business!!!

Instead of criticizing a person’s track record or views on issues, some will stoop so low as to attack their spouses and try to disparage their character in the most-disrespectful way.

Who cares what a person’s sexuality is or who they are sleeping with, as long as they get the job done that they were elected to do.

The Supreme Court is set to hear two major cases on same-sex marriage in the near future.  When bisexuality is so commonplace, as are gay/lesbian relationships, our laws still need to catch up.  And so do the minds of some writers, cartoonists, and publishers. Everybody needs to relax and get over it.  Criticize people on their merits, not on what may or may not be going down in their bedrooms.

GET A LIFE!!!! “Ish” changes!

Chirlane McCray Controversy Proves It’s Time To Get Out Of People’s Bedrooms  was originally published on