Identify the cause of your fear. Can you think back to when you first decided you were afraid of a relationship? Was it watching your parents fight? Was it seeing the aftermath of a bad relationship?
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Being afraid of a relationship DOES NOT mean there is something wrong with you. Inviting another person into your world is a big thing. It’s natural to be scared of such a change to your personal life.
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Be confident in yourself. If you truly want a relationship, you will be able to find one. But do not look down on yourself because you are afraid. Everyone is afraid of change.
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Don’t be impatient. There is a distinct difference between finding a partner and finding someone who you wish would become your partner. That is, don’t look for a relationship because you’re the last one among your friends to have one, or you think at this age you should’ve at least had some dating experience. That’s not true. Love should blossom from the connection that forms when you meet that someone.
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Try not to despair or give up even if it doesn’t come easy. Don’t blame yourself if it doesn’t come easy. Accept your feelings as natural and don’t beat yourself up for them. Fear is a difficult thing to overcome, it takes time, introspection and work to face your fears and reduce them to a realistic level. Find someone to talk to about your fears, someone that you see as a mentor and are comfortable talking with.
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Look at your reasons for your fear of romantic relationships. Take them apart into a list of separate reasons so you can handle each of them for what it is. Some situations don’t lend themselves to romance.
- Choosing to wait for an external reason like “I want to get a job and build some financial security before settling down with someone” or “It would interfere with my studies, so I don’t want to settle down till I finish college” is being sensible, not fearful.
- Choosing to wait “because I’m too shy to ask someone out” can lead to “so I should work on becoming less shy gradually and spend more time with friends, meet new friends and flirt without anything being serious until I’m comfortable with romance.”
- Choosing to wait because you had a painful breakup too recently is applying common sense. You may be attracted to someone who’s worse than your last partner if you jump right in on the rebound. If that’s more than a year, it’s time to think about overcoming that fear – but if it’s very recent it’s not an unusual thing to fear getting into a new relationship with the same old problems.
