- Take an honest look at your own feelings. Of course you love your spouse but are you still “in love”? Things to consider are whether or not you like your spouse, common interests the two of you have outside of the children, goals you want to accomplish together and whether or not you are willing to put in the effort it will require to reconnect with your spouse.
- Discuss your marriage with your spouse. Be honest with each other and determine what is good about your marriage and exactly what needs improvement. Write down goals, discuss individual dreams as well as life goals the two of you share.
- Let go of the past so you can focus on the future. Holding on to old hurts, placing blame and unfilled expectations only damage a relationship. Discuss these things with your spouse and determine to forgive and forget past issues and put all of your energy into building on today.
- Focus on the positive. You have already determined that two of you share common goals of building a loving, supportive home base. Now it’s time to turn your attention to individual things that you love about your spouse. Start by remembering what first attracted you to your spouse. Physical attributes? Personal strengths? Openness? Attitude? If you really try you might find that same attraction still exists. Next look for positive changes that your spouse has made that you love even more. A good parent? Hard worker? Dedication? Dependability? The list really is endless.
- Learn to communicate with your spouse. This includes saying what you really mean and listening to what is really being said by your spouse. If this is a problem area for the two of you, seek outside help from a counselor.
- Initiate intimacy with your spouse. Intimacy is one of the first things that really connect two people together and it is one thing couples let slip away from them over time. Hold hands, kiss, flirt, whisper sweet nothings in the ear, leave love notes where they can be found, call to say I love you, create desire with sexy looks, clothing or words, plan a weekly date night, be spontaneous, plan a quickie at lunch time or slow things down and make love for hours. Reconnect by initiating intimate acts and feelings will follow.
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