By Jill Writer

     Breaking up a relationship is extremely hard on both the person who is initiating the break-up as well as the person who is at the receiving end. Whatever the circumstances, when a break up occurs, it breaks your heart. The jilted usually carry a lot of emotional baggage while the person who asks for the break up might end up feeling mighty guilty about it.

The following guidelines would be helpful:

Accept the end – Once the break up happens, you need to put it behind you and cope with the negative feelings that well inside you. The most important thing is to accept it. Do not cling onto the hope that a miracle would happen and things would go back to normal. Do not hope that the break-up would be reversed by some magic and you would be back together as if nothing happened. This would make things unbearable for you. Rather, you should accept it. Accept that your relationship is over. Accept that the other person would not be there for you any more.

Grieve for your loss – Allow yourself to grieve once you have accepted the loss. Grieving is good. Cry if you feel sad, talk with friends and relatives about your hopes, your disappointments, your fears, your feelings. Let everything come out unfettered. Grieving would be an emotional indication to you that it is over, which is extremely important for you to heal emotionally.

Respect yourself – never blame yourself for a beak-up. Be kind to yourself and your feelings. Do not punish yourself and do not entertain thoughts of ending your life or anything as drastic. There is life after a break up and chances are that the right person is there out looking for you just at this very moment. Don’t you want to meet that special person that God has created only for you? Respect yourself enough to give yourself another chance to be happy.

Spoil yourself for a while – it hurts when you live through a break up. You need to replace the negative feelings created in your heart (and which influences every part of the body) with positive feelings. The easiest way to create positive feelings is to indulge in yourself. Do something you love – go to the movies; go for a world tour or a great tourist destination for a great vacation; treat yourself for a special body massage or beauty treatment; start a new hobby; binge of some food you love; buy some excellent jewelry; etc. Center all your attention on your pleasure for a while. Wash away your hurt by indulging yourself.

Connect with your family – you will be surprised how wonderful the love of your family feels after or during a break up. You will realize how much love you are taking for granted while you are crying for the one love that is no more yours. Count your blessings in the love of your family, your close friends and renew these wonderful emotional bonds.

Allow yourself to heal – do not throw yourself into new relationships immediately after a break up. Raw emotions would almost always give you the wrong reasons to forge new relationships. Look for new relationships only when you can look back on the broken one without pain. Learn from the relationship and move ahead. Do not use it as a leverage against the person who broke up with you.

Forget the revenge mode – falling in and falling out of love happens. It is sad – but it happens. Accept this as a fact and do not seek revenge for being set aside for another person. Break up are usually emotionally shattering because they are interpreted as rejection. However, it is not rejection. It is a way to say that “I am not getting what I want from you.” This is fine – nothing personal. Everybody is entitled to their opinion and happiness. Respect this choice and forget revenge. When you hate or plot for revenge, you can never let go of the past. Remember, “Revenge is the confirmation of pain.” It also ties you up with the past – never allowing you to really move ahead.

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