Listen Live
Listen Live Graphics (Indy)
I Know My Man Loves Me, But His Ex Refuses To Get Out Of The Picture

Source: JGI/Jamie Grill/Getty Images

Dear Gay Best Friend,

Your articles have me in tear laughing. I’m a fan! LOL

Anywho, I have been dating my new boyfriend for almost 6 months and we recently told each other that we’re in love. He is so sweet to me, has bomb ass sex, and treats me like a queen. My birthday was recently and he gave me so many gifts and surprised me with a dinner and all our friends were there. I cried because nobody has ever treated me like him.

So, he is really not my issue. My issue is with his ex-girlfriend that he was with for 3 years. They had an on and off relationship and she cheated on him when he was away so he broke it off. I know he really loved and cared about her a lot because he kept giving her chances after she did him wrong. He says that he no longer loves her and wants nothing to do with her, but on his birthday she hit him up with this looong email saying how everyone in her family says happy birthday and that they love him (she also went on to make a few old jokes that they shared in common) and then to top it off she ended it with an, “I will always love you.”

He told me about this message, but it was only after I suspected she had contacted him because he made an indirect tweet about it and I figured it out. So, when he told me about the message I was a bit upset and asked him why he didn’t tell me. We finally came to an agreement that we would tell each other when an ex hits us up.

Now, my other issue is that she still contacts his mother and calls her “momma” and tells her she loves her. I can’t seem to get over this in my heart. I also found an old video of them together which also made me feel some kind of way. (I know I sound jealous) I love my man and want to stay with him, but I have a great feeling that his ex is not over him and will soon want him back if she already doesn’t. I don’t want his ex to become a problem, I want her to be a NON-FACTOR from here on out. Please give me your advice. –The New Girlfriend

Dear Ms. New Girlfriend,

Uhm, sweetie, she is a NON-MOFO’ing FACTOR! Why are you stressing over her? If he is not engaging her, leading her on, and reaching out and contacting her, then you don’t have anything to worry about. Let that bum ass wretched rat continue to scurry around sniffing for crumbs.

The man loves you! Don’t you get that! He went all out on your birthday. He gave you lots of gifts and surprised you with a dinner with all of your friends present. He demonstrated his love and emotions for you in front of everyone. The man loves YOU!

So what if his ex-girlfriend is sending loooong ass emails and trying to reconnect with him. That’s what a jilted and hurt ex will do when they know they’ve lost something really good. She wants him back because she realizes that she F’d up! She is the jackass that stepped out on him and treated him badly. She is the donkey that let a good man go, and in the words of Joni Mitchell, “You don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone.”  And, now she’s reflecting over what she’s lost.

This is what I don’t understand. You have a good man. He loves you. Treats you like a queen. Does everything under the sun for you, and tells you he loves you, then why are you focusing on what his ex-girlfriend is doing? Why are you worried about her? If he is loving you, spending time with you, and giving you all his time and energy, then she shouldn’t even be a matter of consideration or thought. She is

If I were you I wouldn’t give her any energy, time, or space to rent in your head. You keep focusing on her then you will lose your man. You will begin to start making up things, and situations, and occurrences that don’t even exist. You’ll be imagining circumstances because your head will be playing games with you. STOP IT! STOP IT NOW! Focus your energy and love on your man. Let him love you, treat you like the queen you are, and adorn you with lots of joy, happiness, and joy.

And, if Ms. Thing gets out of pocket and wants to show up and start requesting time with him, or calling your phone harassing you, then it’ll be time to get Jilly from Philly on her ass and let her know, “You’re getting in the way of what I’m feeling!” Let her know that she is old news, the old witch that had her chance and F’d it up. And, you’re being a woman and letting her know to watch herself and the boundaries of your relationship. If she continues to ignore you and your relationship, and doesn’t show you any respect, then you’re going to have to snatch Ms. Thang by her weave and whoop that ass. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

Click on the “LIKE” button of Terrance Dean’s Facebook Page, click  HERE!

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, click  HERE!

You can also visit Terrance Dean’s website to find out more about him, click  HERE!

"I Know My Man Loves Me, But His Ex Refuses To Get Out Of The Picture"  was originally published on