Let’s get something straight: Being single is not a disease. It is not a shackle that you have to carry around laboriously. You can be single and sad and feel sorry for yourself. Or you can be single and fabulous and happy. However you wear your single self, is ultimately up to you. So we’re not here to talk about that. But after having some conversations with close girlfriends recently, we’ve come to the conclusion that there are almost too many beautiful successful sistas who are single (and don’t necessarily want to be).
Now there is a lot of “research” out there that many Black women are lagging behind when it comes to relationships and marriage. Some of it is utter nonsense. Some of it is worth considering. But when the research is all said and done, it often feels like I also see this experience in my circle as well. And I’d give the excuse that using my environment as a judge is pretty simple bias. But I know so many other (Black) women who keep saying the same thing about what they see and experience as well: lots of single and fabulous Black ladies.
It’s easy to simplify the possible reasons for why many Black women might be single. I’ve heard everything from there aren’t enough good Black men available to not enough men available period who Black women are interested in, and who are interested in Black women. But this seems more myth than anything. It often gets touted that non-Black men are not attracted to Black women but this is a plain and simple lie. And it also gets touted that Black women are generally not attracted to non-Black men, which is another bold lie. Certainly there are conversations to be had about race, culture, and attraction but such epic generalizations tend to be more conjecture than fact.
There is also the idea that the more successful any woman is, the more likely she is to be single. Women who make their careers a huge priority even when they explicitly want to be in a relationship, tend to still face some backlash and negativity in the dating world. Never mind the fact that with the high cost of living, it is pretty much impossible to expect one person to be the breadwinner in any relationship. Apparently there is still a level of intimidation when a woman is really I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-NT. But surely, as we move forward in the way our society views gender and gender roles, this can’t keep holding women back. (One would hope).
Ultimately, when I consider all the possibilities and facts and opinions, that there are many beautiful, successful, single sistas isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Yes, there might be historical ramifications that are brought up, as well as cultural implications of the possible why’s, but one thing that people forget is maybe this is actually just women exercising their power. Maybe Black women like many women who don’t necessarily see marriage as their route to status of any kind, have become more picky. And as far as I’m concerned, if you know that you’re a beautiful successful sista with a lot going on, why shouldn’t you be picky?
But let’s hear it: Do you think there are many single sisters out there who shouldn’t be? And why or why not?
Unbae My Heart: Why Are Many Beautiful, Successful Black Women Single? was originally published on hellobeautiful.com