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1. What does “rough” mean? It’s too late to sit down and flip through an hour-long PowerPoint presentation about what “rough sex” entails and what her expectations are. I guess we’re role-playing as John Wetton and Geoff Downes from ’70s rock band Asia, because we’re in the “Heat of the Moment.”

2. I guess I should start by spanking her. Spanking is a great litmus test for just how rough this rough sex should be. It’s still probably best to start off with a light tap, like a butt pat.

3. All right, that barely even registered on her butt’s Richter scale. I guess I should crank it up a notch. Time to give her a friendly slap. Oh wow, she didn’t mind that either.

4. Should I do it even harder? All right, I’m going to slap her ass like it insulted my mother. Holy shit, she loved it. Wipe that giddy smirk off your face and play it cool.  Read More

Things Guys Think When You Ask for Rough Sex  was originally published on