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“We weren’t prepared for the extent to which our families would influence so many aspects of our relationship–from who is expected to clean up after dinner to how many weekends a season it’s acceptable to go golfing.” -William S., Hartford, CT, married four years Truth is, you don’t just marry a person–you also marry their family. “The way we grew up influences how we treat, talk to, and divide responsibilities with our spouses,” says Gary Chapman, Ph.D., author of The Five Love Languages. Conflict arises when those values don’t quite line up. “The key is to spend your energy seeking solutions rather than defending your perspective.” Next time you have a disagreement, try to focus on why your husband thinks and feels what he does. Then say, “What you’re saying makes sense to me. Now let me share where I’m coming from so we can figure out a way to make this work.” Instead of setting you up as enemies, this approach helps affirm everyone’s feelings, which brings you closer–and makes it easier to come up with relationship rules that work for both of you.

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Things He Wishes He’d Known Before You Got Married  was originally published on wzakcleveland.com