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Last week, singer Kelly Rowland made headlines with a confession that she was, at one time jealous of Beyonce. Actually, it wasn’t a true admission but a sentiment implied through the lyrics of her new single, “Dirty Laundry.”

“She was up, I was downNo lie, I feel good for her but what do I do now?Forget the records, off the recordI was goin’ through some bulls**tPost-Survivor, she on fire, who wanna hear my bulls**t?”

Now, let’s not be not be naive about this thing.  Kelly needs to sell some music and what better way than to have people to believe she’s had beef with former fellow Destiny’s Child member, Beyoncé.  The song itself was actually written by The Dream, but that doesn’t mean that the hit was not inspired by some experiences the women might have had.

But there are a lot of women who are either victims or perpetrators of jealousy and envy, two emotions that are often interchanged.

Jealousy, by some definitions, is desperately wishing to hold on to what you have.  Envy is desperately wishing to have what belongs to someone else.

 Dr. Lawana Gladney, an Emotional Wellness Doctor, says that jealousy is steeped in insecurity.  Adding that, “Heavy jealously that crosses the line, is when you are not happy for them, think that it is unfair, don’t feel like you can get what they have, and secretly harbor feelings that you hope they crash and burn.”

Both envy and jealousy take up useful space in our hearts, souls and minds squeezing out room for hope, light, and positive energy.

I think the feelings Kelly expresses about Beyoncé are pretty normal.  The problem comes when you become consumed with jealousy and envy to the point that you’re concentrating more on someone else than you are on yourself.

I was at a conference over the weekend with at least 200 hundred women who had come together to learn, grow and support each other. Motivational Speaker and Transformational Coach Nicole Jones Roberts opened the conference by inviting us to step into our greatness and give ourselves to be the giants that we already are.

Speaking of giants, the conference was hosted by Lisa Nichols. You may know Lisa from The Secret and Chicken Soup For The African-American Woman. What you may not know about Lisa is that in less than two weeks, her company – Motivating The Masses – will be the first self-development company to be traded publicly on Wall Street and is projected to be worth 40 million dollars.

Talk about playing big.

Lisa could not have accomplished all that she has by dimming her light in order to make others feel comfortable. She couldn’t have built such an empire while worrying what other people were doing and/or worry what others were thinking about what she was doing.

When it’s time for the star within us to shine brightly, we should worry less about the people who are intimidated by our glow and more about those trying to extinguish it.

It’s not the jealous haters you have to worry about. The people you really need to keep your eye on are those who appear to be cheering you on but are really hoping to see you fail. You can tolerate the haters (haters are often too lazy to do anything but talk bad about you) BUT envious people will try to take you out.

And it’s just as dangerous if it’s living inside of us.  It’s a toxic emotion that will kill your dreams. It will also draw other negative envy people toward you. If you find a way to eliminate envy from within, you’ll find that there will be fewer envious people around you. You attract what and who you are.

Whether you’re the Beyoncé or the Kelly in this situation, if jealousy and envy are weighing you down, check your circle … but check yourself first.


Kelly was Jealous of Beyoncé: Anybody Mad?  was originally published on