Focus on the negative. No, really. Being in love makes you so starry-eyed that you’ll overlook just about anything from tiny annoyances to huge character flaws. Though you don’t need to start a crusade to turn the person you care about into a monster, it’s time to start thinking of some bad things to balance out the good ones.
Get rid of mementos. Been hanging on to a note, a teddy bear, a series of emails and IMs, or a long-since-mummified rose? Make space for a new person in your life by letting these things go.
- If you have physical objects that are in good shape, consider donating them to a thrift store or the Salvation Army. Imagine the all the happy new memories that oversized sweatshirt / teddy bear / CD will make for its new owner, and then let these new associations symbolize the transformation you’re undergoing in your own life.
Avoid memory-triggers. If you associate the person with a particular song or album, stop listening. If you always used to hang out in a certain spot, stop going. If you have a lot of mutual friends, make a point of hanging out with other people. If you still see each other regularly, stop if at all possible. (This may be difficult at work or school, but you can start by wearing headphones when they’re around, eating lunch somewhere else, walking along new routes, etc.) Don’t surround yourself with mental and emotional reminders; it’s no substitute for having the real thing and will just delay the healing.
Find creative ways to stop dwelling on the person. While it’s impossible to not think about something, it is possible to divert your thoughts elsewhere whenever you start to go down that rabbit hole. Every time those memories bubble up, distract yourself with another thought, activity, or project. Call a friend. Pick up a real page-turner of a book. Watch a hilarious movie. Build something.
- Stop saying: 1) I cannot live without them; 2) I cannot stop loving them; 3) I love this person more than any other; 4) I cannot love anyone else; 5) There is no one better than this person; 6) They are perfect. If you have ever loved before, you know that these beliefs will change with time.
Step outside your comfort zone. Studies show that doing something new, such as going on vacation or even taking a different route to work, is one of the absolute best ways to you to break old habits and replace them with new ones.
Think of everything you’ve been missing. How long have you been in love with this person now? Months? Years? And in that time, how many opportunities for other relationships do you think you have passed up? Remember, the next love of your life is out there right now wondering when they’ll find you. Don’t waste another moment being unavailable.
Get back in the game. Put yourself out there, meet new people, flirt, and remind yourself how great it feels to be a catch. Your confidence surely needs the boost – and in the meantime, you’ll meet interesting new people. In fact, every time someone is better in some way than the person you’ve been chasing – better looking, funnier, smarter, more down to earth – make note of it. It’ll put things into perspective.
- Be very careful with rebounding. While sometimes a rebound is just what the doctor ordered, it only works when a) you’re emotionally ready for it, b) you’re honest with yourself about the fact that it’s a rebound, and c) you’re honest with the other personabout the fact that it’s a rebound. Don’t make this new person feel as miserably in love with you as you are with the person you’re trying to get over.
