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Often, it’s difficult to admit our own shortcomings and easier to abdicate responsibility and blame others when things don’t go the way in which we had hoped. Sometimes by taking a step back and assessing objectively what is going on, we can tweak our behaviour and maybe get a different end result. There are no hard and fast answers why people do not get second dates but by reading on you will see that there are a number of common reasons, which may shed some light.

Are you doing too much of the talking and not enough listening? Or vice-versa? Let’s start with talking. If you’re constantly rambling on and not giving your date a chance to talk, how do you think they are going to feel? After a few minutes they are likely to switch off. Constantly interrupting someone when they are talking is also off-putting (although partly excusable if you can’t get a word in edge ways). You need to strive to be an engaging conversationalist and share your opinions and experiences without coming across as boring, arrogant or aggressive. Part of being engaging also includes being a good listener. This is normally demonstrated through positive body language and feedback in the form of questions related to the subject matter. If you’re asking the same questions back to your date, do so by adding something extra on. For example, you’re asked “where are you going on holiday this year?” After replying, you could respond with “where are you going on holiday this year, have you travelled much?” Where possible, do ask unique questions and not simply follow your date’s lead, otherwise you risk giving the impression that you lack basic communication skills, or are not making a concerted effort.

Nobody wants to invest lots of time & effort dating someone who is unsuitable, placing too much pressure on yourself and the other person by treating the first date as an interview for your lifetime partner, will not get you very far.  Keep the conversation light-hearted and engaging, you probably would be able to discover the same information, without coming across as a potential employer. It’s important to remember that a first date is exactly that, you do not need to make any life changing decisions, you just need to find out whether you have enough in common and enjoy one another’s company to warrant a further meeting.

Despite it being a well cited dating rule, often people start talking about their ex in great depth during the first date. Past relationships may come up in conversation, there is no need to provide everything about the relationship at this stage. Answer the question briefly and then move onto the next topic. Going on about your ex leaves the other person wondering whether you are over them and emotionally available to start a new relationship.

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